Been playing a lot of Bach, today. Let me tell you what, that is exciting stuff. Two hands but three melodies at the same time is kind of fun to play! But it's brought back some memories. One memory in particular really stands out.
I was playing piano at a benefit at St. Anthony's Church in Kyle my freshman year. It was an event put in place for a priest who was retiring that year and the church wanted to honor him and his contributions to the parish, and they had asked me to play. I had my keyboard and amp set up on the stage and I played the usual, dry, cocktail piano stuff I always bust out at these sorts of events, but near the end of the night I started to run out of material so I improvised some and played more fun stuff. It was easy money, it was fun, and it was for a good cause. Can't beat that, no?
Well, at some point in the night, the priest for whom them benefit was being held slowly walked up to the stage, being very dependent on his cane to get around, and stood by the amp. He closed his eyes and just stood there, listening. I had never had anybody do this in one of my "performances" before, and it was a bit different then what I was used to. After I had finished the song, he opened his eyes, looked at me and said, "When you walked into the room and set up, I saw you and you seemed so tense. But when you play you seem to have a real joy in what you do. That's God's joy. Please keep playing."
...Yep. That just happened. I had no idea what I was supposed to say or do to that. He just smiled at me and walked away. I remember very little about the priest, honestly, but I do remember what he said to me. Frequently, it jumps back into my mind and kind of haunts me during the times I convince myself not to try. Hopefully this isn't a bust. Hopefully I am actually good enough to get into the school of music. I've practiced so hard, and I'm analyzing my music when I'm not at the piano like I never have before. Yesterday I memorized whole sections of my piece away from the piano, only to return to the piano the next day and play those parts entirely from my study and analysis of the pieces the night before. I need to listen to the recordings, I need to study, I need to analyze more, and most importantly I need to practice. But most importantly, I need to pray. God has answered my prayers more than I deserve. I need to turn to Him entirely and play only for Him. I will make it into the school of music not by my talent or hard work, but only if it is God's will. I realize that now, and I accept that what happens is in His hands.
Because I need a total investment in what I am doing the chorus below is kinda what my life feels like right now. ;)
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
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